My Heart in Medjugorje                                                               page 2
Months went by and my faith cooled down some. Some Sundays I’d go to Christ the Redeemer and others no. I was feeling uneasiness in my soul but I didn’t know what to do about it. I mean I’d go to mass but never received communion that I can recall. I knew I had to go to confession but I rationalized this one to. “God knows me and He can forgive me without confessing to a priest,” I thought. The truth was I was just afraid to confess because I thought a priest would condemn me or slap me in the face!!

During a Good Friday service I felt a special awakening in my soul. Afterwards I went to the Catholic/Christian bookstore to buy a book to help me do something. I felt I had to do something. I went to the Catholic Section and I picked up The Message. A book by Wayne Weible about Medjugorje. I picked it up several times before this and put it back because I thought I knew everything there was to know about Medjugorje from back in the late 80’s. I went to Franciscan University of Steubenville and my friends and I saw some rosary chains turn to gold and knew friends who went there. I read some books on it too.

This Holy Saturday was different. I picked the blessed book up and looked through it. I loved the picture of Our Blessed Lady on it! I was like I was seeing it for the first time. So I bought it. I took it home and just devoured it. By weekend’s end I had finished the thick book !! I cried and realized that I needed to change and pray, pray my rosary. More than that, I knew I needed to go to confession no matter if I would be condemned or slapped!! I needed to get back to the mass… God had changed my heart, it seemed in an instant. It was as if the scales had fallen from my eyes and everything was made new and crystal clear!!! How could I have been so stupid to fall away from Him!!! The Blessed Mother became my Mother. I could see how She had Her hand in all of this. And this Medjugorje, I just had to get there!!!!

Within a month, I went back totally committed to Mother Church as I made my first confession in 12, long years!!!! The priest was so merciful to me!!! I cried and was glad that I was obedient to the Blessed Mother’s call to conversion of monthly confession, daily rosary, daily mass (when possible) and fasting. When I was obedient to Her and went to confession after all those years, I felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders!!!! I could receive Jesus in the Eucharist daily and receive him worthily, in a state of grace!!! How wonderful!!!

I devoured every book I could find on Medjugorje and Marian apparitions. I felt a strong, strong call by Our Lady to go to Medjugorje. I just had to!!! Certainly her intercession and love brought me back to Jesus when I was too prideful and ashamed to. I was and will be forever indebted to Our Lady, Queen of Peace for the rest of my earthly life. The desire was strong in my heart, no matter the circumstances; I just had to get to Medjugorje to thank Her!!

After this awesome weekend and conversion experience I became really, really peaceful. People at work were asking me if I was okay. They kept saying that there was something different about me. They asked me if everything was going all right at home and I would just smile and say, “Yeah, everything is just fine.” I told my closest friends about this. One said she always wanted to go to Medjugorje and wanted to go with me!!! Some thought I was crazy and “worshipping Mary”. That is the furthest from the truth. My Mother brought me to Her Son!!!

In June of the next year I planned on going to Medjugorje!!! I couldn’t wait. I finally decided to go with Peace Center Tours because Lois Malik and I hit it off!!! She had a similar conversion story and we talked for hours on the phone. I called many companies but I felt this one was better because she was a child of Medjugorje too!!!

I felt as if she were a kindred spirit.

The trip to Medjugorje was not without it trails either because when God is going to do something special in your life then you might want to look out for the obstacles. For me, one was flying!!! I hate flying!!! But I suffered through the 7 hour flight to Vienna and then onto Sarajevo and a beautiful, beautiful, bus ride to Medjugorje!!! I’ve never seen such beauty, except in the movies. I have to confess, my head was bobbing, as I was too tired from not sleeping on the flight, but in between bobbing I caught the tunnels and the green, lush mountainsides.

The first night in Medjugorje I just wanted to sleep. We got there around 6pm and made it to mass on Sunday. I was so tired and wanted to eat dinner, which was ready but others wanted to go to mass, so I obliged!!! The food was excellent when we got back. My room I shared with some lady I got to know well during the pilgrimage. I was in the basement!!! I was fortunate!! It was one of the hottest June’s in Europe’s history!!

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